Uh, We Lied...

Know how we just got done saying that we had the best Christmas Card idea ever? Well, we were wrong. It looked good online and sounded hilarious when we discussed it, but once we received it, we saw how completely awful the product was. Now that I have just mailed the box back and you won't be getting them, I'll just come out and tell you that they were.... whoopee cushions. That's right people, whoopee cushions! Tell me that's not a genuinely funny idea, especially with our message on it:

I personally was holding out to put "Merry Christm-ass" (please tell me you get that) as the greeting, but Jess vetoed the idea. Granted, I also think some of my relatives might have a coronary if they saw it, so I had to reluctantly agree. But you have to admit it was a brilliant play on words.

So why did we return them you ask? For several reasons, one of them being the size of the writing on the cushions:

Uh, yeah. We could barely read it too (and we have young eyes). We would have had to supply magnifying glasses with our cushions and that would have gotten even more pricey. However, they did come in a nice assortment of colors that were pleasing to look at.

Still, the bold and bright colors did nothing to add to the actual function of the cushions. In fact, not much would. At times when you sat on an inflated cushion, nothing would happen. It was just a hard nobbin of air underneath you. At other times, a gigantic rip-roaring blast would erupt that sounded absolutely un-human. Seriously, if someone emitted a sound such as the one produced by this cushion, I would be afraid that they had just torn apart their butt. Let me tell you... this was no "Bronx Cheer"...

Now we just have to figure out what to do instead. Sigh.